Is this lawyer misconduct?

[TheFinePrint]

Jurisdiction

Washington

First of all, let me introduce myself as an educated legal assistant who does not work in the field. But I hold you in the highest respect and sincerely mean nothing insulting to attorneys who work hard, use their intellects, and can be very useful and sensitive to clients. That said, after I finished my coursework at a very good community college, and after beginning to volunteer at a pro bono law clinic, I began dating a lawyer. There was nothing wrong with it, we didn't work together, and I was just attempting to start my career when someone on online dating hit on me and we started talking on the phone. Well, I took him out, we had a good time, we slept together, and then he disappeared. Is this lawyer misconduct or what? I wasn't expecting a one-night stand; in fact, I was anticipating leaving my career for the sake of a permanent, honest relationship. Now I'm screwed over, I can't find work, and I don't want to get a reputation as the kind of woman who will sleep with everyone just for a job. Let me reiterate that I wasn't offering my sexual services for any kind of favor. I think he missed the point when we joked around about conflict of interest and sexual misconduct, professional ethics and the law. He said something to me in the car about the mala prohibita and mala in se crimes, and I thought to myself I sound so dumb, he's a criminal defense attorney and he knows this stuff, that the prohibita crimes do sometimes have a victim, as in the case with drug use or dealing encouraging street violence and overdoses, but not in every instance. When he was talking about his own marijuana use, I thought that's hip, but it's a problem. He had these sharp eyes that locked onto mine when we talked about psychological thrillers, because I am a writer, but he tricked me, because I began to trust him. When it comes right down to it, he rejected me and it stung. And now I don't know what to do. He did something wrong to me and it's too late to report it to the bar association because it is past the statute of limitations, because I spent all that time trying to contact him, but I couldn't find him.

 

[justblue]

First of all, let me introduce myself as an educated legal assistant who does not work in the field. But I hold you in the highest respect and sincerely mean nothing insulting to attorneys who work hard, use their intellects, and can be very useful and sensitive to clients. That said, after I finished my coursework at a very good community college, and after beginning to volunteer at a pro bono law clinic, I began dating a lawyer. There was nothing wrong with it, we didn't work together, and I was just attempting to start my career when someone on online dating hit on me and we started talking on the phone. Well, I took him out, we had a good time, we slept together, and then he disappeared. Is this lawyer misconduct or what? I wasn't expecting a one-night stand; in fact, I was anticipating leaving my career for the sake of a permanent, honest relationship. Now I'm screwed over, I can't find work, and I don't want to get a reputation as the kind of woman who will sleep with everyone just for a job. Let me reiterate that I wasn't offering my sexual services for any kind of favor. I think he missed the point when we joked around about conflict of interest and sexual misconduct, professional ethics and the law. He said something to me in the car about the mala prohibita and mala in se crimes, and I thought to myself I sound so dumb, he's a criminal defense attorney and he knows this stuff, that the prohibita crimes do sometimes have a victim, as in the case with drug use or dealing encouraging street violence and overdoses, but not in every instance. When he was talking about his own marijuana use, I thought that's hip, but it's a problem. He had these sharp eyes that locked onto mine when we talked about psychological thrillers, because I am a writer, but he tricked me, because I began to trust him. When it comes right down to it, he rejected me and it stung. And now I don't know what to do. He did something wrong to me and it's too late to report it to the bar association because it is past the statute of limitations, because I spent all that time trying to contact him, but I couldn't find him.

How many dates did you have with this person? When did this happen?

 

[Red Kayak]

I began dating a lawyer. There was nothing wrong with it, we didn't work together, and I was just attempting to start my career when someone on online dating hit on me and we started talking on the phone. Well, I took him out, we had a good time, we slept together, and then he disappeared. Is this lawyer misconduct or what? I wasn't expecting a one-night stand; in fact, I was anticipating leaving my career for the sake of a permanent, honest relationship. Now I'm screwed over, I can't find work, and I don't want to get a reputation as the kind of woman who will sleep with everyone just for a job.

Hunh? You were going to leave your career after 1 date?

How does getting ghosted after 1 date screw you over, career wise? Why can't you find work?

 

[adjusterjack]

Well, I took him out, we had a good time, we slept together, and then he disappeared. Is this lawyer misconduct or what?

No.

Could happen to anybody when you have sex with somebody on the first date.

I wasn't expecting a one-night stand;

You'll know better the next time.

I was anticipating leaving my career for the sake of a permanent, honest relationship

You've got a lot to learn about relationships dear. How old are you?

I can't find work,

What does your one night stand have to do with finding work? You find work just like anybody else looking for work.

When it comes right down to it, he rejected me and it stung. And now I don't know what to do.

Learn from it, get over it, get on with your life.

He did something wrong to me and it's too late to report it to the bar association because it is past the statute of limitations, because I spent all that time trying to contact him, but I couldn't find him.

None of what happened to you has anything to do with his profession. Could have just as easily happened with an auto mechanic, a pharmacist, or even (dare I say it) an insurance adjuster.

 

[army judge]

I began dating a lawyer. There was nothing wrong with it, we didn't work together, and I was just attempting to start my career when someone on online dating hit on me and we started talking on the phone. Well, I took him out, we had a good time, we slept together, and then he disappeared. Is this lawyer misconduct or what?

It MIGHT be many things, but I saw no mention of any misconduct on your part, or the lawyer's part.

Some consider it dangerous and stupid to engage in the conduct you describe, but if stupidity were ever criminalized, 90% of the adult population would be incarcerated.

now I don't know what to do.

Move on with your life, forget the bums, and next time just say NO.

You have full control over your life, just say NO, and don't bed down bums!!!

 

[Tax Counsel]

Well, I took him out, we had a good time, we slept together, and then he disappeared. Is this lawyer misconduct or what?

It's simply a difference in expectations after the sex was over. It's not a violation of the rules of attorney conduct as the sex was not with a client, potential client, or employee of his and did not involve his legal work in any way. Nor was any crime committed — by your own admission, you consented to the sex so there was no rape or sexual assault here. And for the same reason, I'm not seeing anything here that would give you a civil claim against him.

Lots of things that happen between people end up, either intentionally or not, hurting the feelings of one or more of them. Most such things raise no legal issues and are just part of dealing with other humans. From your description of what happened, this appears one of those.

I wasn't expecting a one-night stand; in fact, I was anticipating leaving my career for the sake of a permanent, honest relationship. Now I'm screwed over, I can't find work, and I don't want to get a reputation as the kind of woman who will sleep with everyone just for a job.

I'm sorry that you had this bad experience and that your expectations evidently didn't match his. However, I'm not seeing from your post how this is preventing you from getting work or hurting your reputation. Is he deliberately going around telling potential employers that you slept with him? If so, you left that part out.

When it comes right down to it, he rejected me and it stung. And now I don't know what to do. He did something wrong to me and it's too late to report it to the bar association because it is past the statute of limitations, because I spent all that time trying to contact him, but I couldn't find him.

I think most people who have done any significant amount of dating has been rejected at least once. I know I have. Yes, it stings when the other person does not return your feelings and does not have the same interest in a relationship that you do. Looking for some way to sting him back isn't really healthy and won't help your hurt feelings. Indeed, by focusing on it in that way, you are likely making the hurt worse. I've had that experience when I was quite young; focusing on the rejection made the pain of it last much longer than it would otherwise. I'm not saying that getting over it is easy. Sometimes you need help to do it, and I'd encourage you to see a therapist if you are having trouble letting this go. That's what they are they for and there is no shame in admitting you need some help from time to time. That's another lesson I wish I had learned earlier than I did.

I wish you the best going forward. But just based on the information you provided here, I'm not seeing that he's violated any laws or rules of professional conduct and thus I'm not seeing any legal action here for you. However, I do encourage you seek some therapy to help you through this. Facing rejection is tough, and for the most part humans just aren't naturally equipped to deal with that very well without some kind of help or support.

 

[stealthy1]

Woman to woman, and Mother to apparently younger woman... (and yes I would say this to my own)...

Set your bar a tad higher. If he is as great of a catch as you are? He will not only wait, but he will be worth waiting for. He will woo you, he will court you. I know it's not like it was "back in the day", but... don't give it away so easily. Let him be a person you want your Mom to meet - be the person he wants to introduce to his. We can sometimes be downers, but we often have pretty good radar. And just by being that person (both of you) that you (both of you) want Mama to meet? Is a decent indicator of character.

Now, I am NOT saying that there's something wrong with a one-night stand or a good romp in the hay. But often? Those "partners" aren't necessarily keepers. Be more discerning and learn to say No.