My husband is about to win full custody...will kids be forced to go with us?

[zddoodah]

I'm done on here

And yet you wrote two lengthy posts after writing this....

you don't know us-we are good honest christian people.

I'm at a loss to understand what you think your religious beliefs have to do with this. Regardless, you're the one who chose to post here. If you think you can post personal stuff on the internet and never have people question your motives (which is substantially different from "judgment"), you're crazy.

In any event, I answered the questions you asked.

 

[justblue]

There is no point in fighting for full custody of the children if the end result is not intended to be that they live with the parent with full custody. If you truly had "good honest Christian" concern it would be for the children, and getting them out of the situation they are in with their mentally unstable mother would be paramount. Instead, all this fight for custody would appear to be about is the money.

I'm trying not to be too judgmental here, but it doesn't look good from the outside. And for you to say "if you were in my position you would feel the same way", if you don't want to be judged because of assumptions we might make about your motives, then please don't make assumptions about how we would feel in that position. You might be surprised to find that there are many people out there, "good honest Christians" or not, whose first concern actually would be the children and not getting out from under the child support without having to actually care for the children.

I actually spent 20min's trying to word my post in such a way it wouldn't "seem judgmental" ...it's just not possible to do and still be honest and accurate.

 

[army judge]

I actually spent 20min's trying to word my post in such a way it wouldn't "seem judgmental" ...it's just not possible to do and still be honest and accurate.

I suspect the people replying to your inquiry TRIED to do the same thing.

Most of us are far too sensitive, especially when it concerns people we'll never, ever meet.

 

[justblue]

I suspect the people replying to your inquiry TRIED to do the same thing.

Most of us are far too sensitive, especially when it concerns people we'll never, ever meet.

Huh? Army Judge...You do realize that I am not the OP...right?

 

[army judge]

Huh? Army Judge...You do realize that I am not the OP...right?

Yes, you illustrate my point, thank you.

We tend to make it about ourselves, taking this nonsense far too personally.

None of us are US Supreme Court, or even state supreme court justices.

It is quite okay to ask about a stop sign violation, but people treat legal issues as insignificant.

If you were wounded by an errant bullet, would you go on a medical site and ask how to remove it?

I'm just too damn old to let this stuff worry me anymore...

 

[justblue]

Yes, you illustrate my point, thank you.

We tend to make it about ourselves, taking this nonsense far too personally.

None of us are US Supreme Court, or even stat supreme court justices.

It is quite okay to ask about a stop sign violation, but people treat legal issues as insignificant.

If you were wounded by an errant bullet, would you go on a medical site and ask how to remove it?

I'm just too damn old to let this stuff worry me anymore...

Ah...I see what you're sayin'.

 

[leslie82]

After 5 years of court battles my husband is about to win full custody of his children with the possibility of supervised visits. His ex wife has severe borderline disorder with sociopathy and the judge has ruled that there has been severe alienation against my husband. The problem with him winning this is that his children hate both of us -due to the lies the ex has told them. I have a 12 year old daughter in our home. His oldest son is a big kid and he is 15 years old and has borderline as well. I believe he is a physical threat to our safety. In no way do I want these children in our home.
I am scared that somehow if we win full custody that the judge will "force" these children to come with us-they live in Colorado and we live in Washington. My husband was just there for five days over spring break and none of the three chose to see him at all. In my mind with this scenario is we win full custody and then the kids "choose" not to come with us and we don't enforce the issue. Is this even possible? Or will these children be forced into our home if we win?

Seriously? Then why has he been fighting for custody and why have you stayed with him this entire time knowing his end result was to get sole custody?

Yes those kids are going to be living with you full time. How the hell do you expect them to come back around to your side if you just want to push them away and balk at the thought of them living with you all the time?

The kids have no choice if sole custody is awarded to the dad. They have to go live with him.

If you don't enforce the order if he is granted sole custody, then what was the point of years of lawyers and all this? Good grief. I think he needs to stop fighting and let a family member take these kids because if they live with you, it's going to be nothing but a hostile environment for them.

 

[leslie82]

No-they would just refuse to leave their mother and would remain with her.... I believe you totally misunderstood my question. Please keep answers professional and without judgement. I am simply questioning if there is anyway the judge can physically force the children-one of whom is dangerous-into our home if we have full custody?

If your husband gets sole custody they have no choice to stay with their mom UNLESS your husband just lets them stay - and again WHAT WAS THE POINT OF FIGHTING FOR CUSTODY!??!

Yes the judge can force the kids to reside with your husband if he is granted sole custody. You are free to leave any time you want though. You don't have to live with him. You could even divorce him if you think his kids will be such a problem.

Oh yes judgement is appropriate here.

 

[leslie82]

He is very aware of my concerns and they are his concerns too. He wants to do right by his kids and get them away from their mom. But he also is aware that if they are living in his home that it will be a living hell. Also a safety risk but he feels it is the right thing to do. We would love to get full custody and then we would get all of our child support back. I know it sounds evil and I'm sure everyone will judge me but you have no idea how much we've been through over 5 years with these children and the ex. The week of our honeymoon I was reported to CPS for "threatening" to hit his daughter for not setting the table-I've never even hit my own child let alone his! Everything was fabricated by the ex and the kids. I refused to risk losing my own child over a future false claim of child or sexual abuse!
We had a custody battle in January and we were lead to believe that if we didn't move to Colorado that the ex was going to get full custody. That wasn't what happened at all! The judge saw clearly how bad the alienation was and how much harm she is doing to the children. The judge implied to my husband that if he filed he would get full custody. We are praying for supervised visits for the ex but not sure he would get those. If those kids move here to Washington at that point all it will be is a messy transfer and a new court system here. He flew to Colorado over spring break and was there for five days. All three kids "refused" to see him. We are thinking that if he gets full custody he will show up at their door step and the kids will just refuse to go with him and stay with their mother. And that will be that. They are ages 12,14, and 15. What I would like to know is if we go through with court proceedings and get full custody-I am praying that they continue to stay with their mother-will the kids be forced to physically reside in our home? I believe if the kids chose to stay with their mother my husband would leave it alone and we wouldn't file anything to enforce our full custody at that point. I know it's confusing I feel like we are going into this blind and anything can happen.
I've also thought that if it comes to pass and we are forced to have the children in our home than we would live in separate residences. But even with child support back into our pocket I do not know how we could afford a mortgage and rent. It really seems like there is no happy ending for anyone in this situation-including his children-they just want to be with their mom who unfortunately is borderline and sociopathic.

How do you think you're "doing right" by these kids if you don't want them in your home? He should have just let someone else get guardianship or custody.

LOL you are NOT going to get child support back if he gets sole custody. His child support order will end and then he won't pay anymore after that. But you don't get a refund when custody changes. So you just want to get custody thinking that you will get a "refund?" What is wrong with you two?

Maybe you guys should have tried to get them help instead of whatever happened. They obviously need help.

He needs to stop fighting for custody or he needs to not file at all. You said the judge implied he should file – well if he hasn't filed yet DON'T. Do not try to get custody. See if someone else will get custody if the mom is so bad. Or let them stay with their mom. It's quite clear he's moved on with you and your child. You guys obviously don't want them around so walk away.

It doesn't sound like the mom had to alienate anything…

Just because there's a child support order doesn't mean she will pay it if she's as "awful" as you say. My ex husband hasn't paid child support since Dec 2016. He has four kids with three women. I have a daughter with him. He also hasn't paid his half of daycare in almost 4 years. So court orders on child support…you might not ever get it.

If they want to be with their mom, let them be. You guys don't want them. They don't want to live with you so why is he fighting?

 

[leslie82]

I have never stood in your shoes.

I understand your position.

That said, you and he made certain vows when you married.

If you dislike your earnings going to support children you dislike, I understand, BUT you knew that possibility existed when you married the man.

Many things in our lives will end in a way that saddens us, but don't allow any of them to end in way that maddens us.

You don't have to stay married to anyone when you and he can't compromise or negotiate a solution.

I wish you well.

He has choices, and so do you.

You didn't reply to the OP...