Need Guidance on my Elderly parents

[goldenwood844]

Jurisdiction

Massachusetts

Hi . I Need guidance on what I can do. I come from a very large family and am the oldest child. My parents are still alive and living in our childhood home. My 3 siblings and I have been fine with this until recent. I received a call from their state(some official) that they are now under investigation and was told they are unable to care for themselves, etc. I am not sure what to do since I believe them to be of sound mind even though neither drive. Any suggestions?

 

[adjusterjack]

Get them a lawyer.

Otherwise, the state could potentially take control of them and their assets, put them in a facility and sell their home to pay for the facility.

Your post seems to imply that you do not live in the same state as your parents.

If any of your siblings live more closely to your parents they need to get more involved in their lives to make sure they are well taken care of.

 

[goldenwood844]

Get them a lawyer.

Otherwise, the state could potentially take control of them and their assets, put them in a facility and sell their home to pay for the facility.

Your post seems to imply that you do not live in the same state as your parents.

If any of your siblings live more closely to your parents they need to get more involved in their lives to make sure they are well taken care of.

I thank you adjusterjack. Unfortunately, I do not live in the same state. I am in Chicago so it is quite far away. I appreciate your reply and should there be any further ideas, please feel free to post. An attorney may be challenging from my location, I am thinking. My siblings are somewhat closer, though equally far away.

 

[adjusterjack]

Where do your siblings live in relation to your parents?

 

[goldenwood844]

Where do your siblings live in relation to your parents?

They are in NJ... about 6 hours.

 

[Red Kayak]

Hi . I Need guidance on what I can do. I come from a very large family and am the oldest child. My parents are still alive and living in our childhood home. My 3 siblings and I have been fine with this until recent. I received a call from their state(some official) that they are now under investigation and was told they are unable to care for themselves, etc. I am not sure what to do since I believe them to be of sound mind even though neither drive. Any suggestions?

I concur with AJ about getting them a lawyer.

How much contact do you and your siblings have with your parents? How often do you talk to them on the phone, email, or visit with them? In other words, do you really have enough contact to make an accurate assessment of their circumstances?

I will say that, even calling my parents every day, there was plenty I did not observe. In person, I could see things a little more clearly. (Your mind has a tendency to edit.)

It takes a lot of work and $ to care from a distance. I would recommend a relative relocating closer. Even if you have the money for 24/7 care for your parents in their home, you need to have somebody to take care of the home.

I am curious though, what sort of official contacted you? Could it be a scam? I say this as someone who is from MA and have had elderly relatives experience neglect after they were no longer able to care for themselves. One poor relative was is truly deplorable circumstances, unable to care for herself, with her latest spouse limiting contact with her children. Her children repeatedly tried to get help from the state, to no avail.

(By the way, "large family" is subjective. I grew up in MA in the 70's and lots of my classmates were from families with more than 8 kids. )

 

[goldenwood844]

Thank you Red Kayak. I grew up in the 60's as a kid and took care of my siblings alot during the 70's as I am 9 years older than them. Our home of 6 seemed large to all of us. My dad worked in a factory and my mom stayed at home.

At first I thought this was a SCAM, however, after doing some research and then searching the numbers working backwards, the person whom phoned is employed by the state. Seems to be in investigations. I even found an email. While I my visit my parents 2-3x a year, we talk daily. My son has visited more often when traveling on business. I have desired an in home care worker like Visiting Angels, but my parents have been reluctant to accept. Now I am not even sure that is an option if they were forced to leave our home. I am very concerned and worried. I will have to contact an elder care attorney Monday based on what adjusterjack and you state.

 

[adjusterjack]

This is probably some sort of adult protective agency similar to child protective services that investigate based on reports of something amiss.

Friends of mine had an elderly neighbor who had her home and assets controlled by a county agency when they put her in a facility. Her son had passed away and she had no family left to help her.

 

[zddoodah]

I received a call from their state(some official) that they are now under investigation and was told they are unable to care for themselves, etc.

Just FYI, "etc." doesn't tell us anything in this context. Who was this "official"? What agency? How did he/she have any knowledge of your parents' (in)ability to care for themselves? Presumably, it wasn't just an FYI call, right? What did this person say was going to happen as a result of the conclusion that your parents can't care for themselves? What did this person expect you to do?

After you received this call, you called your parents, right? If so, what did you discuss on that call?

the person whom phoned is employed by the state. Seems to be in investigations.

What department/agency of the state? Lots of state agencies have investigators.

I will have to contact an elder care attorney Monday based on what adjusterjack and you state.

Certainly a good idea.