Thanks - guess I'm in the market for a therapist, then
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Paternity fraud
- Thread Starter Bucky7405
- Start date
shrinkmaster
Well-Known Member
Ok I am late to the game but let me jump in. Can you sue? Yes you can you might even win. If so there is no guarantee you will ever see a dime (much like The Goldmans from OJ). If so what do you gain? You cant get back the lost years! You might even upset your child for attacking her Mom! What you need to do is be the "Best" Dad you can be NOW! This is your actual solution. This site (one we are on now) Host a parenting site. There you can find other parents and share your story and get advice from them on being "late to the game" parent. I am sure you might find others who have had similar situations. You dont really have a legal issue here. Yes you can sue but it wont fix anything.
You contributed genetic material to a person 22 years ago and apparently, didn't stay in touch with the woman you slept with to know she was pregnant or didn't follow up on the pregnancy or whatever the case may be. Legally, you aren't this 22 year old's father. DNA does not a parent make. There are plenty of people out there with whom we share some percentage of DNA that we will never know, including parents. Any guy who has donated to a sperm bank may have many genetic offspring somewhere out there. Likewise, there are plenty of parents who share no genetic connections to their children but are awesome parents.
Bottom line is that you can't force this 22 year old to want a relationship with you now any more than you could had you could have even if you had been in her life up to this point. It's easy to feel sad over what might have been, but that is your burden to bear, not this young woman's.
Bottom line is that you can't force this 22 year old to want a relationship with you now any more than you could had you could have even if you had been in her life up to this point. It's easy to feel sad over what might have been, but that is your burden to bear, not this young woman's.
It wasn't that I didn't follow up with her - she left the city a month or so after our relations. I didn't even know she was pregnant, and she didn't tell me. She basically just disappeared on me with no warning. I had no contact with her, because I didn't know where she went. It wasn't until 2 decades later that I got a text message from an unknown number asking to meet with me. And that's when she told me. You make me sound like a guy that jumps around from bed to bed, which I am not -and I resent the implication that I'm the one who walked off without looking back. The only reason she found me, was that I had the same cell number as when we were together
shrinkmaster
Well-Known Member
Again you really dont have a "legal" issue here you have a "parenting" issue.
I don't disagree with that assessment - but if everyone would just reread the original post, you would realize all I asked was if it was actionable - didn't ask that anyone read more into it, or make assumptions based on an incomplete picture. Judging me for what was clearly not my doing is not productive.
In fact, in conversations with the mother after the revelation, she actually told me that she didn't tell me " because you would have stepped up and tried to make an honest woman out of me, and we would have gotten divorced, and it would have been a disaster".
shrinkmaster
Well-Known Member
This is a "legal" forum not a parenting one.Compassion isnt often given here. When you post on an open forum you get replies you cant choose what the replies will be. Your LEGAL answer is YES you can sue. What happens after that we dont know. If you want understanding persons who may been through this themself try forum I gave you.
I will, and thank you. I'm not asking for compassion - since this is a legal forum, all I wanted was what is usually required in a court of law - impartiality
shrinkmaster
Well-Known Member
This is a forum you are NOT always talking to a Lawyer if at all. Read disclaimer its a misunderstanding many people make''
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shrinkmaster
Well-Known Member
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cbg
Super Moderator
Let's be clear.
This is neither a civil nor a criminal case. This is not actionable. There is no legal recourse for you. There is no lesson you can "teach" her. You are free to create whatever kind of relationship you can, with your daughter. That's it.
This is neither a civil nor a criminal case. This is not actionable. There is no legal recourse for you. There is no lesson you can "teach" her. You are free to create whatever kind of relationship you can, with your daughter. That's it.
army judge
Super Moderator
The Supremes have spoken and we are told, a woman has the sole right to choose, because the woman must carry the child in her womb for nine months.
The lesson here is if a male wishes to procreate, he should only do so with a woman to whom he is lawfully wed.
Why?
Because the law only confers some limited rights on men who father a child with the woman to whom he is lawfully married.
If a male procreates outside of his lawful marriage, he does so with various inherent obstacles and risks.
Once the child is born, the father and mother (if married) acquire equal parental rights.
While the child is termed to be a fetus, the woman can choose to not inform the male, or even abort the child (fetus).
Procreation has become a very risky endeavor.
The lesson here is if a male wishes to procreate, he should only do so with a woman to whom he is lawfully wed.
Why?
Because the law only confers some limited rights on men who father a child with the woman to whom he is lawfully married.
If a male procreates outside of his lawful marriage, he does so with various inherent obstacles and risks.
Once the child is born, the father and mother (if married) acquire equal parental rights.
While the child is termed to be a fetus, the woman can choose to not inform the male, or even abort the child (fetus).
Procreation has become a very risky endeavor.
Is paternity fraud even a legal action or thing? What are you hoping to sue her for? You can't get those years back. She's 22 now - or when you found out. She's an adult. Go build a relationship now. Attacking her mother won't help that.
My best friend's dad found out he had another daughter when the girl was in her 20s. He hooked up with her mom at 19, she left and never told him she was pregnant. He didn't go all crazy. He just built a relationship with her and my friend found out about another sibling.
zddoodah
Well-Known Member
No. There are consequences to sex between unmarried persons. This is one of them.
What actions? And specifically, what actions that were not also things you did. After all, you had sex with this woman who apparently was not your wife and then apparently lost contact with her until whatever it was that occurred that caused you to learn about this child. For all we know, the mother was a slut who had six different sexual partners around the time she had sex with you and she had no idea who the father was. Regardless of your level of sexual promiscuity, you admittedly did have unprotected sex with a woman to whom you weren't married.
You're free to send her a letter.
You chose to have unprotected sex with a woman to whom you weren't married and with whom you had so little connection that you lost all contact with her only a month after the conception of the child. There's no law against that, and god knows I had my share of premarital sex in my time, but this is one of the consequences of actions that you knowingly undertook. Like it or not, an unmarried woman who conceives a child has no legal obligation to involve or learn the identity of the father.
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