Oh, I've learned my lesson. I was doing so great for 3 or 4 months, and then I found out recently that my husband lost his dream job because he failed security clearance from my record. I was already severely depressed without him, and the fact that I did that to him made it so much worse. Taking things I didn't even need or want filled an empty void. I felt hopeless and worthless because my parents said it was all my fault that happened to him, and I had nobody to talk to about how it made me feel. My best friend moved away, and the only other friend I had started smoking pot and I didn't want to be a part of that. So because of this, my family won't communicate with me, and I don't get to choose when my husband wants to communicate with me. I have nobody. I feel like this was the culmination of the worst time in my life, and that being with my husband, having the opportunity to get away and make up everything to him by being a good military wife, would turn my whole life around. The road to recovery is bumpy, but I know having people to talk to, friends I make at his first post, psychiatrists and counselors under our new insurance, and most of all him, would make it so much more smoother. I'm just so worried I won't be able to explain myself or how I feel when I go before the judge, and losing this opportunity would put me into an even deeper void that will be much harder to get out of with no support.