Unsure how to proceed with amicable divorce

J

JakeFirst

New Member
My wife and I are in our mid-30's and have been together for the better part of 17 years. We have been married for about 3 of those years.

We are seeking an amicable divorce. We get along just fine but unfortunately I am simply not the man that will make her happy. We have two children. In Oregon, I don't believe we can file for a simple divorce because there are children involved. My wife has already told me she does not want any alimony but would require money for the kids. The way we have it laid out, she would have the kids mostly during the week and I would have them Friday and the weekends. We have already divided up most of the contents of the home and we each already have a car in our own names.

I do know that my wife will seek the State's support for food stamps. My children are already on the Oregon Health Plan based on my wages. My wife only works 20-30 hours per week and her dad will give her some money each month as well. I work over 50 hours during a regular week on an hourly basis. I would imagine the State would like me to pay child support that THEY determine based on my income. I currently pay almost $300/month for braces for my two kids. I have no problem providing some measure of support, but they will only be with their mother about 4 additional days per month more than me.

I am unsure of what to do next.

My wife and I discussed seeing an attorney TOGETHER to get in writing who is going to have the children which days and who will accept which debts and to who can claim each child on taxes and such. Is child support something that can be cleared through an agreement while filing for divorce like alimony can? We have well less than $30,000 in assets. I think it will be a pretty clean split. I just haven't heard of a couple going through divorce seeing a single attorney to get the paperwork drawn up to match our requests. Can I include the $300 in braces as part of the child support payment?

Would getting a JOINT attorney to write up the paperwork with us be a good idea? We really can't afford for each of us to get our own (I could maybe manage one but my wife certainly couldn't). Opinions? Thank you!
 
Here you go, OP, information on pro se (DIY) divorces in OR:

http://www.americanbar.org/groups/d...esource_center/pro_se_resources_by_state.html



http://courts.oregon.gov/OJD/selfhelp/pages/index.aspx



http://www.divorcewriter.com/Oregon.asp



http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/states/or/oregon.htm



http://www.ncsc.org/Topics/Access-and-Fairness/Self-Representation/State-Links.aspx




You must decide what works best for you.
She must decide what works best for her.

The sites are for research purposes ONLY.
I make no recommendation except to say, the sites exist, as do many others!!!


Please do YOUR DUE DILIGENCE before paying for anything, or transacting business with any site, firm, or person.

This site comes highly recommended by many people:

http://www.legalzoom.com/legal-divorce/divorce-overview.html


Ethically, no attorney will represent BOTH of you. If you hire an attorney, he or she will be YOUR attorney. She'll have to go pro se, or hire her own attorney.
I wish you well.
 
AJ, thank you for the quick response. The attorneys I spoke to also told me they wouldn't not see both of us. Since I have never been divorced before, the total process, especially since we have children, seems rather complicated. My wife and I really only need help in drafting the divorce documents to match what he have agreed upon. I imagine there are paralegals at the courthouse that could perhaps perform this function?

I am also guessing that anything we prepare will ultimately come before a judge who could alter any of it as he or she saw fit, regardless of what we decide beforehand?

I'm rather nervous because I don't want to get an attorney by myself which would precipitate my wife borrowing money to also get one and the entire process getting too expensive. We get along well enough right now to figure out who needs to be responsible for what and for how much, but we don't want to miss anything and be blindsided if we were before a judge and forgot something important.
 
A paralegal cant complete the forms or you, except if she or he were in the employ of an attorney.
Some sites will offer you help in completing the forms, but you are required to fill in the blanks.

A judge can't and won't change anything.
That's not what judges do.

Maybe you don't need a divorce?
If you want to live in Maple City, and wants to live in Oaktown, you don't need a form, approvals, or permission to do so.

So you folks create an informal contract with duties for you and her.
That's easy, and can be done for FREE.
 
Depending on your current home situation following may NOT work but WHY seperate living? I can see continuing with divorce. I say this because my wofe and I were in similar a few years ago. She was speaking about whi would move out... when I presented staying under same house hold she slept on it over time and found it made a lot of sense.
Financially it made A LOT of sense. MORE importantly it made MORE sense because our son still had BOTH his parenta under same roof. On top of which, he would not have known until te went on.
I am sure above may soumd STRANGE but we had a master plan to make it work. At least until OTHER made sense.

We never went forward and remain together BUT we both believe it would have worked.

As so many, my parents divorced when I was around 8. They had a BAD break up. My wife and I agreed what ever happens our son CANNOT see bad blood between her and I.

I mention above BECAUSE it appears you and your wife are cool with no longer being together.

Quick reply on my behalf. I hope it makes some sense.

sent via Tapatalk
 
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My wife has already moved out. She has already began dating other men, despite telling me that this was not going to be the case and that she needed to focus on herself and our children. I even found out she went on her first date a week before she got her keys to her new place and was still living at home with our children and I. So it wouldn't have worked for us to stay together in the same home. Rather than trust the group at the courthouse to help my wife and I go through the paperwork for the divorce together (even if they even helped couples simultaneously with the proper language), I decided to get an attorney. I already know what we have both essentially agreed to so it is simply a matter of my attorney preparing the documentation to match it. Then my wife can look at it and take it to a lawyer or whatever she wants to do.

The only real sticking point is how to assume debt. I had zero debt before we got married in 2011. I now have over $25,000 in debt. It is all credit card debt and largely incurred when my wife used my cards (I even had one of the cards add her as a user). She wasn't working for most of our marriage and got bored and spent money. I have asked her to assume just $6,000 so I can get out of some of it. But she can't afford any additional monthly payments for this debt and I was under the impression that if she didn't pay this debt -- even though she "assumed it" -- I would still be ultimately on the hook if she didn't pay it (or it would affect my credit score adversely if she didn't pay it). If that is true, that doesn't seem fair for debt that should no longer be attributed to me. So other measures will now be considered such as having me claim both of our children on our taxes instead of just one for the next two years; it isn't a perfect solution, but it would allow me to recoup this difference over the course of two years without my wife having to pay out anything.

I greatly appreciate the quick responses and options. Thank you!
 
Any debt incurred during the marriage becomes a liability for BOTH parties.
Don't be deluded into thinking a divorce court judge (or family court judge) can issue an order that will mean anything to anyone but you two.
Sorry, you're both on the hook, but that often means the one earning more money (or the sole provider) gets stuck holding the debt bag, and even ends up with a damaged FICO score.

You see, my friend, the debts you've incurred are creatures of contract law.
I suggest you be prepared for the person with less income, or no income, to leave you with all the debt.
She likely has no credit score to ruin, no assets the creditors can seize, and no wages against which the creditors can levy.

I advise clients to consider bankruptcy, debt reconsolidation, or paying off the debt.
Dividing the debt won't work if the other party has no income, assets, or stuff.

The good news is, you're freeing yourself of an irresponsible person, who would only continue to destroy your life.

There's always a positive if you look at things from all angles.
 
Thanks for the help, everyone! As an update, I did get an attorney who was able to determine that a child support order ($0) from 8 years ago was never closed up and I was able to get that wrapped up at the same time. I got all of the provisions that I wanted in the divorce and my attorney and filing fees added up to less than $3,000 which is about the best I could hope for. Definitely in my best interest to have an attorney as it gave me great leverage to get the judgment made the way I wanted it and my ex couldn't afford an attorney so she was left with what I worked out. I've now been divorced for about a week and a half!

Again, I appreciate the help. This is a great resource!
 
JakeFirst said:
Thanks for the help, everyone! As an update, I did get an attorney who was able to determine that a child support order ($0) from 8 years ago was never closed up and I was able to get that wrapped up at the same time. I got all of the provisions that I wanted in the divorce and my attorney and filing fees added up to less than $3,000 which is about the best I could hope for. Definitely in my best interest to have an attorney as it gave me great leverage to get the judgment made the way I wanted it and my ex couldn't afford an attorney so she was left with what I worked out. I've now been divorced for about a week and a half!

Again, I appreciate the help. This is a great resource!
Click to expand...

I wish you much happiness as you move forward in your new life.
I was married in 1967, and we will hit our 50th year in 2017, God willing.
That said, marriage is the hardest thing I've ever done.
But, when the good Lord takes her (should she go first), I'll never try to double down on my winnings.
She feels the same way, too.
I say that to say, marriage, parenthood, aren't all others say they are.
Choose wisely, my friend with his new found freedom, move slowly, choose wisely, bon chance.
 

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