What does IV-D mean and why does my x insist on me cancelling?

[Zigner]

My car that was given to me when I turned 16 definitely had strings attached.

 

[Pooky]

Frankly, 30 days is well within reason.

Yes, I agree with 30 being reasonable, as it's written that way. I run into the issue when I get multiple medical bills from a surgery or xray (boys all ride/race dirtbike as does their dad) and I have to pay it upfront. With my own ailments and random surgeries, sometimes it's rough paying everything upfront and then playing the waiting game for him to decide when he wants to pay me his 73% of the medical or dental bills.

 

[Pooky]

Yes, I agree with 30 being reasonable, as it's written that way. I run into the issue when I get multiple medical bills from a surgery or xray (boys all ride/race dirtbike as does their dad) and I have to pay it upfront. With my own ailments and random surgeries, sometimes it's rough paying everything upfront and then playing the waiting game for him to decide when he wants to pay me his 73% of the medical or dental bills.

My car that was given to me when I turned 16 definitely had strings attached.

My car that was given to me when I turned 16 definitely had strings attached.

The issue is that we already helped pay our share for the car and everything else (tabs/etc) almost a year ago. Done deal. Now he is coming back with more "strings" that shouldn't be happening. I shouldn't be surprised though. It's in his name, he has to be in control.

 

[Zigner]

The issue is that we already helped pay our share for the car and everything else (tabs/etc) almost a year ago. Done deal. Now he is coming back with more "strings" that shouldn't be happening. I shouldn't be surprised though. It's in his name, he has to be in control.

I was being light-hearted about. To take it further, though, a minor child should always be subject to "strings" imposed by the parent(s) when it comes to the vehicle they drive.

I won't derail your thread any more on this topic, as it's really not germane to the topic.

 

[Pooky]

I was being light-hearted about. To take it further, though, a minor child should always be subject to "strings" imposed by the parent(s) when it comes to the vehicle they drive.

I won't derail your thread any more on this topic, as it's really not germane to the topic.

Ok.. tell me if you feel this is fair. Child already paid his portion for the car. As did I. As did his dad. Now dad is saying that if child is going to continue to have this car when child is a senior (child is going to be a junior), child will need to buy the car from dad. This doesn't even make sense as said child (and memom and dad) already paid the portion for the car, just like we did with child's two older siblings. Child has been working tons of hours since before COVID as child wants to buy a car of his liking some day and feels that maybe that would be by next year. Dad wants money now for using the car that would possibly be 2 years from now but possibly not. I asked my child 3 different times if i was understanding correctly, and yes, that is correct. Very strange. This is the "string" i'm talking about. The car is in dad's name as dad found the car. The other cars for kids were either my second car then purchased cars in my name but oldest has his own car in his own name. Child in question would like to buy his own car, own the title outright so anything can be done (new rims, nitrous (JK haha). Child has been saving for a sports car ever since i can remember.

 

[leslie82]

Thank you. I just wish I made as much money as him. I did open a cash stock account for our child and a Roth as for all the kids. I'm doing what i can for all of them. It's so odd, X behavior is so off and on. It gets really bad when he has a GF which he does now of 2 months and he is becoming more demanding of me on certain things (such as the child support). Everyone notices the changes in his behavior, kids go on back burner, i'm not even sure I can just ignore him but looking back, i should have not responded to that portion. That email he sent also contained info for me to change car ins (not asking, telling) for our youngest and put him on my commuter car as it would be cheaper, and he said "I will be paying about 100 and you will pay about 30 so definitely not even or fair but lets do what we can to make smart insurance descisions, right? LOL You can just text him (ins guy) at xxxxxxx" This was a few days after i received a random text (we do share the same ins company for everything) from ins asking for my permission and I had no idea what they were talking about as he tried to change it without talking it over with me since our middle child is under my commuter car ins. After investing further with the ins company on what was going on and why suddently now the change (he's had this for almost a year), he has full coverage on the car that our youngest drives, I have liability on the commuter car that our middle son is on). There is more to it as our child was telling me some things his dad was insisting he do regarding the car (mind you it was already paid for and given to him to drive supposedly with no strings as our other two received cars with all of us helping to pay for.....but suddently things have changed )... it's just so strange. I do think my suspicions have now been validated more than a few times with posting this question on this site. I used to go on a different site but haven't been on for a year or two and i try to go on there now but it's like you can't send messages or post anymore. I really appreciate everyonés input on this. It was just going so well for a while and then suddenly it's now. THANK YOU

"It gets really bad when he has a GF which he does now of 2 months and he is becoming more demanding of me on certain things (such as the child support)." --- This...of course they always change their behavior when there's a new significant other. Because they usually tell the new significant other that the other parent is crazy or alienates the kids, etc, etc. They try to make themselves look like the victim when there are children involved in a custody arrangement. Every single time. And when there's no significant other, they go back to the way they were.

Just communicate about things you have to that regard the children. Don't take the bait when he tries to gaslight you. With people like this, Google parallel parenting. You can't co parent with a narcissist - which I can't diagnose him as such but based on your posts signs point to it.

 

[Pooky]

"It gets really bad when he has a GF which he does now of 2 months and he is becoming more demanding of me on certain things (such as the child support)." --- This...of course they always change their behavior when there's a new significant other. Because they usually tell the new significant other that the other parent is crazy or alienates the kids, etc, etc. They try to make themselves look like the victim when there are children involved in a custody arrangement. Every single time. And when there's no significant other, they go back to the way they were.

Just communicate about things you have to that regard the children. Don't take the bait when he tries to gaslight you. With people like this, Google parallel parenting. You can't co parent with a narcissist - which I can't diagnose him as such but based on your posts signs point to it.

Thank you so much for your response. I will google Parallel Parenting. I'm just sad mostly for my youngest as it's really like the loss of a loved one again I feel like. It was going so well for a while (i mean, way better than it had been). Thanks again, I appreciate the time and thought put into all the responses.

 

[Pooky]

Thank you so much for your response. I will google Parallel Parenting. I'm just sad mostly for my youngest as it's really like the loss of a loved one again I feel like. It was going so well for a while (i mean, way better than it had been). Thanks again, I appreciate the time and thought put into all the responses.

 

[Pooky]

Hello. Update-This is his plan: showing his hate to help me pay for our children and hate for the County taking out money from his check for child support. Sounds to me like he will not help pay for the older boys (one is a college freshman) medical/dental/vision unless i switch insurance? Is that blackmail (don't laugh, but just curious or just bullying?). There is more to that but whatever. Or am I reading it wrong? Background again: From when he stopped paying the "side deal" last year from not wanting the county involved, he owes me $1682 as of September 1 for phones/medical at $81 per child (i will never get money from the car i bought/our oldest drove and i insured him for 3(technically 4) years while in HS). I pay $5170.88 a year (biweekly payments) for medical/dental/vision so it comes out to $1,034.18 per person per month. Every January medical/dental/vision costs go up. Will I need to request a review as of January 1 I guess?
Also, the court is already taking money out of child child support to pay him back his over payments but apparently he didn't agree with the court on that and feels I owe him more. SO he's not in agreement with that I guess. I believe it's about 1400 now I owe him but again, the county is taking out payments of the child support to pay him back what the Judge ordered. He agreed at the time, if he didn't, shouldn't he have appealed that?


HIM: Wanted to share my plan for chipping in to help with some of the boys expenses.

• The court took care of child support for xxxx and I agree with their calculations on that. However, on the medical side, they took the cost for family, subtracted single person (you), then only divided by two instead of the four people that it covers. I will just leave the court order for xxx as-is and that is the end of the court-directed payment calculations.

• What we will do on our own to help out because it's the right thing:

I will be paying the proper $40.50 each for xxx and xxx, $81.50 total for medical on xxx and xxx
xxx and xxx's phones are $20/month. x is no longer covered since he works and agreed to pay for it himself. $40/month total for xxx and xxx.

xxx insurance – I paid for the car ($5,000) + ~$200 in insurance/month on the Toyota. If we move him to the Blue Ford, your cost goes up $30 and the Toyota drops to $100. So, you pay $30 and I pay $100 related to xxx. That is workable for me. If you are agreeable, please let me know and contact State Farm to make the change.



Total transferred will be $121.50/month once State Farm is all set with xxx on the Ford as we have just been wasting money since he started driving by not setting it up optimally.

• What we need to figure out retroactive to July , 2020 when xxx and xxx were emancipated - as it is the right thing too:

• You owe me $5,272 retroactively from overpayments.
• I owe you $121.50 for half of March and April - September which comes to $789.75.
• You got xxx a lot of college stuff! I got him some too but let's call it $700 in your favor anyway.

The difference is $3,782.50 that you still owe me. But…you do a lot for the kids, you spend the money wisely, you help them out and watch for deals!! Also, I stopped paying extra for phones etc when the county kept taking out too much starting July last year, so that is about $600-$900 depending on if you include xxx. So still around $3,000 that you are ahead – there was some added medical on top of that too for xxx only so that is in your favor too.

So, I am willing to forgive the remainder which is easily well over $2,000. Yes, just forgive that amount. I will even sweeten the pot a bit with a one-time, double dip, transfer of $243 for August & September just to help out. If you would like to proceed, just make the State Farm change and put this behind us.


Thanks,