When does custody time begin?

M

MommaG

New Member
Jurisdiction
South Carolina
I made an appointment for two of our children at 3 pm and 3:15 pm on a Friday. It happens to be Mother's Day weekend and I am their mother. The order states: ""The minor children shall always be with the honored parent beginning the Friday before the holiday at the recess of school (or 6 pm if school is not in session) and ending at the return of school on Monday (or 9 am if school is not in session." The children get out of school at 3:10 pm. My ex-husband is claiming that I scheduled the appointments during his custody time. I would need to have the children be dismissed about 2:30 pm to make their appointments, so they would have early dismissal. So, technically, which of us is correct - me or my ex-husband?
 
Your ex-husband is correct. School lets out at 3:10 PM.

You should have made the appointments with enough time after 3:10 PM to be able to pick up the children for whatever.

Mother's Day is a Sunday. It has nothing to do with whatever you planned for Friday.

And with 3 months to go you have plenty of time to change the appointments.

Give up, MommaG, you're not going to win this.
 
adjusterjack said:
Your ex-husband is correct. School lets out at 3:10 PM.

You should have made the appointments with enough time after 3:10 PM to be able to pick up the children for whatever.

Mother's Day is a Sunday. It has nothing to do with whatever you planned for Friday.

And with 3 months to go you have plenty of time to change the appointments.

Give up, MommaG, you're not going to win this.
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I understand and thank you for your response. Per the order, due to the holiday, I get the children at the recess of school on that Friday. I don't read that as, the milli-second that school concludes after the last class of the day or after the final bell. I also wouldn't take them out of school early if there were other options. The appointment is for a routine medication review that occurs every 3 months for the children - which he never schedules or attends himself. I feel it is silly for me to cancel and reschedule routine appointments for teenagers over a 40-minute time difference, during which he wouldn't see the children or be with them anyways. (Nor will it affect their grades as they do very well in school.) However, because he will argue semantics over 40 minutes that he wouldn't have been with the children anyways for a routine medication review, I will cancel and reschedule the appointments. It isn't worth it to argue with a narcissist over 40 minutes of time that would be for the benefit of our children for a routine appointment. Thank you for your assistance.
 
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MommaG said:
Per the order, due to the holiday, I get the children at the recess of school on that Friday. I don't read that as, the milli-second that school concludes after the last class of the day or after the final bell.
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That's how you should read it because that is the reality. The school day does end at the end of the last class of the day or after the final bell.

Your ex could very well be a narcissist or maybe that's just you being hostile and accusatory. He's doing nothing wrong by insisting you follow the court order. I'm sure that you would complain vociferously if he strayed from the court order even a little bit.
 
@MommaG - are you saying that dad is mad that you're getting the kids at 2:30 so that you can get them to a medical appointment instead of 3:10 when school lets out?
 
MommaG said:
The order states: ""The minor children shall always be with the honored parent beginning the Friday before the holiday at the recess of school (or 6 pm if school is not in session) and ending at the return of school on Monday (or 9 am if school is not in session." The children get out of school at 3:10 pm.
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This is as clear as a bell. Your custodial time begins at 3:10 p.m.


MommaG said:
I don't read that as, the milli-second that school concludes after the last class of the day or after the final bell.
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Then it makes no sense for you to have asked, "technically, which of us is correct[?]"


MommaG said:
I will cancel and reschedule the appointments. It isn't worth it to argue
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Given that May is three months away, this is what should have been done anyway.

That said, since the kids obviously aren't with their other parent prior to 3:10, if I were a judge and their father made a big stink over this, I'd be awfully pissed at him for being a dick over something that doesn't impact him in the slightest.
 
adjusterjack said:
Not the Dad making a stink.
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That's why I wrote, "if . . . their father made a big stink over this." So far, all we know is that the father "is claiming that I scheduled the appointments during his custody time." Not only do we not know exactly what that means, we don't know what the father has done or intends to do, if anything, if the OP doesn't re-schedule the appointments.


adjusterjack said:
Appointments should have been made for later in the afternoon in the first place.
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Perhaps. If the father cared about his children's well-being, he wouldn't care about this scheduling issue.
 
Taking the kids out of school before classes are over - I think that's worth caring about.

Besides, I always take these stories about horrible exes with a grain of salt, no matter which side it's coming from.
 
adjusterjack said:
That's how you should read it because that is the reality. The school day does end at the end of the last class of the day or after the final bell.

Your ex could very well be a narcissist or maybe that's just you being hostile and accusatory. He's doing nothing wrong by insisting you follow the court order. I'm sure that you would complain vociferously if he strayed from the court order even a little bit.
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Thanks for the advice. And yes, he actually is a narcissist. I'm not here to argue with you or anyone else. I want to do the right thing for my children and it seems petty that someone would argue of 40 minutes of time that they are not even with the children when the appointment is for the benefit of the children. Regardless, as I've already stated, I changed the appointment. My understanding of that particular portion of the order it to prevent one parent from making appointments that would take time away from the other parent being with the children. Seeing as how the children would be in school and he would not be present or with them anyways, it seems very petty to fuss over 40 minutes that do not effect him in any way. I'm the one who loses time with my children as I'm almost always the only parent who ever even takes them to medical appointments.
 
zddoodah said:
This is as clear as a bell. Your custodial time begins at 3:10 p.m.




Then it makes no sense for you to have asked, "technically, which of us is correct[?]"




Given that May is three months away, this is what should have been done anyway.

That said, since the kids obviously aren't with their other parent prior to 3:10, if I were a judge and their father made a big stink over this, I'd be awfully pissed at him for being a dick over something that doesn't impact him in the slightest.
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I understand what you are saying, however, one could also read it as the recess of school being when they get out of school - even a little early for an appointment. Recess is not defined in the order specifically as when the last bell of school rings for the day, thus my question about which of us is correct. I did change the appointment, as arguing with him over 40 minutes is not worth it. And yes, you are correct, he is an absolute dick to deal with on a very frequent basis. After over a year of me texting him every 2 to 3 days to ask to speak with the children when they are with him, without a single request for him to ever speak with the children during my parenting time, and without a single response from him from my requests, he has now decided that it is harassment. (Insert eye roll here.) The order states that "each parent shall facilitate opportunities for reasonable telephonic and electronic communication (e.g. telephone, text message, email videoconferencing (Skype, Facetime, or similar) and U.S. Mail) between the minor children and the other parent. This paragraph dos not require either party to purchase any electronic device. Both parties shall have reasonable access to the minor children when the children are in the care of the other party. The parties shall be allowed to text or call each other for the purpose of contact/communication with the minor children." I was told by him to not mail anything to their house (which includes birthday cards for the children). I have now been told to stop texting him with the threat of harassment. During his "facilitation" of "reasonable" phone calls, I am always being recorded, and I'm always on speaker phone with all 3 children plus him. The phone calls are 1 time per his parenting time -even if they are with him for nearly two weeks due to a school break - (he calls it his custody time as if they are in under arrest or something) and the calls are never more than 25 minutes at maximum. It is ridiculous. I'm repeatedly bashed online by him and his wife to the point where I had to legally tell them to stop and to remove the content. (They called my husband out by name and basically gave away the location of our area putting the children in danger from online predators.) I'm often accused of parental alienation and of being a narcissist - which neither are true. Unlike him, I've been professionally tested for narcissism and I am not one, though he checks all the boxes with ease. Our oldest son (we have four children) moved in with us the day he turned 18. He has his own phone and I never stop or limit in any way shape or form communication between him and his father. The children are 18, almost 17, 15, and 14. The younger three want to live with me and only see him every other weekend. The next time we go to court, they will be speaking to a judge directly. When we first were divorced, I had a terrible lawyer who was burnt out and eventually left the firm - she did not do my case any favors or justice and I didn't know any better. I got a better lawyer and I got a lot of time with my children back - time that he was given due to the fact that I was working EMS at the time and while I was working 24 to 48 hour shifts saving lives during the height of the Covid pandemic.
 
zddoodah said:
That's why I wrote, "if . . . their father made a big stink over this." So far, all we know is that the father "is claiming that I scheduled the appointments during his custody time." Not only do we not know exactly what that means, we don't know what the father has done or intends to do, if anything, if the OP doesn't re-schedule the appointments.




Perhaps. If the father cared about his children's well-being, he wouldn't care about this scheduling issue.
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He absolutely is making a stink - about 40 minutes of which he is not with the children anyways - nor is he being asked to do anything. I rescheduled the appointments as it isn't worth fighting him over 40 minutes of time he wouldn't have spent or been with the children anyhow.
 
adjusterjack said:
Not the Dad making a stink. Appointments should have been made for later in the afternoon in the first place.
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Just for awareness, those were the latest appointments I could make. When I rescheduled the appointments for a different day, the appointment times were unchanged, as again, they were the latest times offered by the physician.
 
adjusterjack said:
Taking the kids out of school before classes are over - I think that's worth caring about.

Besides, I always take these stories about horrible exes with a grain of salt, no matter which side it's coming from.
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I understand what you are saying and I care deeply about my children's education. (Our 18 year old moved in with us the day he turned 18. My husband and I are putting him into college - his father wants nothing to do with his continuing education.) I do not take the children out of school without a good reason. That being said, it just so happens that the last class of my children is something they call a flex class - which is NOT mandatory for the children to attend - unless they are failing in one of their classes or falling behind. The children generally use the time to do homework with teachers being available to clarify course materials if needed.
You are wise to take the stories with a grain of salt, as in this instance you only have my side of the story. I'd be willing to share everything I have with you - including communications between us to make a more educated judgement call.
 

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