Question regarding review for CS due to dad not being home/overnights on his parenting days/nights.

[Pooky]

My thoughts are simple... You're a bad parent...... Why you ask? Because you are talking about taking dad back to court for child support with the kid. Why in the world would you talk about child support with a CHILD?? Kids have enough bs to deal with without a parent talking bad about another parent. I would just be happy that I get to spend more time with my kid. I could care less about the amount of child support. Stop talking about parenting issues with your child.

To be clear, I did not talk with the child about taking dad back to court for child support. I talked to him about staying at my house on a more permanent basis. At first when i would ask dad what was going on etc I asked DAD about changing it, and so dad was mad at child for telling me he wasn't home during his parenting days/nights. Child got mad at me for reaching out to dad asking why dad is not home especially at night during his parenting days/weekends because child thought he was telling me in trust that i wouldn't say anything to dad (that he was telling me and also staying at my house during dads parenting time). That was in the beginning. This is ongoing 3 months now. No, I am not a perfect parent. But I am a parent that utilizes my parenting time and has for the last 20 years. When my 16yo comes to me and is extremely upset about dad choosing a girl over spending time with him, of course I hurt for my child. Especially when 18 comes very fast so I tried to rectify it by going to dad first (as did our other children and his parents-not by my doing, that was on their own as our 16yo talked to them as well). Nothing has changed, it has gotten worse. So that is why I am on this site to ask questions.

 

[Pooky]

Perhaps I missed it...where did the OP say she has discussed the child support matter with the child?

I didn't. And I kind of resent this: without a parent talking bad about another parent"" . How am i talking bad about the other parent? Our children have the same history. How dad treats our children, his actions, his words... as they have aged they all know how he is. Like I mentioned earlier though, dad was better so it seemed to the 16yo, spending most of the time and weekends together, and suddenly unavailable. They also know and realize over the years how I have been and am treated by dad in front of them. There is a pattern but I digress.

 

[Pooky]

I didn't. And I kind of resent this: without a parent talking bad about another parent"" . How am i talking bad about the other parent? Our children have the same history. How dad treats our children, his actions, his words... as they have aged they all know how he is. Like I mentioned earlier though, dad was better so it seemed to the 16yo, spending most of the time and weekends together, and suddenly unavailable. There is a pattern but I digress.

Perhaps it would make sense to run the state's CS calculator to see what the actual numbers come up to before starting this rigamarole.

And then, Mom, you really need to weigh your choices. Because it seems to me what your 16yo *really* wants is the freedom to call and say he'll stay with you overnight or choose to go visit his SO (as he did the w/e he got sick). Personally, it doesn't seem your 16yo is mature enough to make those sorts of decisions for himself.

Thank you. I will check the calculator. I am fairly certain it would be more than a 20% increase.

 

[Zigner]

I didn't.

Exactly - my post was intended to cause the person I was responding to to go back and read your posts more closely.

 

[leslie82]

Hello. My question is regarding how to get a review for Child Support if Ex does not want to give up parenting days but is not home/overnight for our 16 yo. during most of his parenting days. This has been going on the last 3 months (since he has a new girlfriend). For example, this last couple weeks, he has not been home Wednesdays after school/overnight. The weekend he tried to say he messed up and thought it wasn't his weekend (he hasn't messed up weekends since he requested to change parenting weekends probably 8 years ago to match his second wife's schedule) so he then said it was ok for 16 yo to stay alone for 1-2 days while he left town Friday until Monday. It was 3 days (Friday Sat Sunday overnight) and he did not even ask me if I would be in town/home or if our 16 yo could stay with me.. ended up child had cellulitis Friday, got antibiotics from the doctor, dad left town, child stayed alone at dads, child's significatn other called me Saturday to meet at ER in a different town, apparently child left town to see significant other --bottom line thank goodness they were smart enough to call me, I met them at ER and they had to switch our child to different antibiotics due to possible MRSA as he was in bad shape from the cellulitis infection yadda yadda). Dad did not come home after being contacted about that. So child stayed at my house Sat and Sunday overnight. Child has been staying at my house on Wednesdays the last 3 months, a few of dad's Thursdays and some weekends of dads parenting time, dad doesn't even to bother to ask if child is at my house. I ask child if dad knows about staying at my house, child says no clue, dad never asked. Point is, I get that the child is 16, but still a child and should have had an adult with him Friday/Sat making sure resting etc. This is what prompted me to ask about how to go about on a review for child support since our child is now staying with me over 50% of the time. The last 3 months it's been about 80%. Child says to not mess with it because dad made his choice and it was not to be with child. It upsets him but says it's none of my business about dad and childs relationship and I need to not say anything to dad about what we talk about or what he says even when he is at dads alone overnight on dads parenting days and does not come stay at my house. Dad also will still not help pay for our oldest two children's medical insurance I hold, he is still holding something about switching our son from his car insurance to my commuter car and then he will start helping pay medical. But that's on another question.

Why would this be cause for modifying child support? You need to file to modify the parenting plan.

 

[leslie82]

At 16, a child is generally old enough to spend some overnights alone. Of course, yours has exhibited some questionable decision-making that may lead one to believe that's not true.

Except that the teen is going to dad's for the weekend for dad's parenting time - and dad left him alone for the weekend - it says dad left town. And then kid left town - well why not. Dad left town and left him alone...

It sounds like dad is making pretty poor parenting decisions when he has his parenting time. I mean I expect a 16 year old to make stupid choices at some point. Not the parent.

 

[Zigner]

Except that the teen is going to dad's for the weekend for dad's parenting time - and dad left him alone for the weekend to go out with is girlfriend while the kid is sick.

It sounds to me like the kid got sick while dad was out...

That sounds like poor parenting to me honestly.

There are poor decisions all around on this one, IMO.

 

[leslie82]

It sounds to me like the kid got sick while dad was out...
There are poor decisions all around on this one, IMO.

I updated it after I re-read that cluster of a paragraph that the kid went out to see his SO after dad left town.

 

[army judge]

Why would this be cause for modifying child support? You need to file to modify the parenting plan.

If you wait long enough, the RIGHT one comes along with the insight to discern the hidden truth.

Thank you, my friend for appearing at the right time and asking the right question.

 

[stealthy1]

If you wait long enough, the RIGHT one comes along with the insight to discern the hidden truth.

Thank you, my friend for appearing at the right time and asking the right question.

Of course, that answer was provided yesterday - post #4.

 

[Pooky]

It sounds to me like the kid got sick while dad was out...
There are poor decisions all around on this one, IMO.

I took our child to a dermatology appt Thursday. Child seemed fine. Friday child noticed something swollen on leg and very painful. Dad took child to clinic, they gave a shot of antibiotic and gave 10 day antibiotic prescription for Cellulitis, gave orders to rest with leg up, take meds, etc. Dad left town due to a commitment due to him saying he got parenting weekends mixed up and had already made the commitment to go out of town with GF. Child stayed home alone at dads (did check in with me Friday night). Next day Saturday i texted in AM to see how child was. Child texted back- Supposedly fine. Sat. afternoon i received the call from child's SO to meet at the ER (I had no idea child left town). So dad already knew child was sick and left town anyhow. I told dad Saturday ER Doctor put child on different antibiotics due to possible MRSA and infection. Dad stayed out of town, never responded to me but was in communication with child. Child stayed with me Saturday/Sunday overnight.

 

[Zigner]

I took our child to a dermatology appt Thursday. Child seemed fine. Friday child noticed something swollen on leg and very painful. Dad took child to clinic, they gave a shot of antibiotic and gave 10 day antibiotic prescription for Cellulitis, gave orders to rest with leg up, take meds, etc. Dad left town due to a commitment due to him saying he got parenting weekends mixed up and had already made the commitment to go out of town with GF. Child stayed home alone at dads (did check in with me Friday night). Next day Saturday i texted in AM to see how child was. Child texted back- Supposedly fine. Sat. afternoon i received the call from child's SO to meet at the ER (I had no idea child left town). So dad already knew child was sick and left town anyhow. I told dad Saturday ER Doctor put child on different antibiotics due to possible MRSA and infection. Dad stayed out of town, never responded to me but was in communication with child. Child stayed with me Saturday/Sunday overnight.

Why didn't kiddo contact one of his parents instead of his SO?

 

[Pooky]

Why didn't kiddo contact one of his parents instead of his SO?

Child was laying down in the back seat of the car in pain and SO was driving to the ER when i was called. The SO called me using my child's cellphone. Child was already with SO who lives out of town (about an hour away).

 

[Zigner]

Child was laying down in the back seat of the car in pain and SO was driving to the ER when i was called. The SO called me using my child's cellphone. Child was already with SO who lives out of town (about an hour away).

Ok, I'll lay this out clear as day for you. YOUR CHILD should have known better than to go traipsing off to his SO's house when he's supposed to be at home. I agree that dad made poor choices, but I do hope you're addressing the poor choices your child made.

That's about all I've got to say here - best of luck to you.

 

[Pooky]

Ok, I'll lay this out clear as day for you. YOUR CHILD should have known better than to go traipsing off to his SO's house when he's supposed to be at home. I agree that dad made poor choices, but I do hope you're addressing the poor choices your child made.

That's about all I've got to say here - best of luck to you.

Yes I am.

 

[Pooky]

Not to worry, I have addressed it (more than once which probably was unnecessary).

 

[leslie82]

I took our child to a dermatology appt Thursday. Child seemed fine. Friday child noticed something swollen on leg and very painful. Dad took child to clinic, they gave a shot of antibiotic and gave 10 day antibiotic prescription for Cellulitis, gave orders to rest with leg up, take meds, etc. Dad left town due to a commitment due to him saying he got parenting weekends mixed up and had already made the commitment to go out of town with GF. Child stayed home alone at dads (did check in with me Friday night). Next day Saturday i texted in AM to see how child was. Child texted back- Supposedly fine. Sat. afternoon i received the call from child's SO to meet at the ER (I had no idea child left town). So dad already knew child was sick and left town anyhow. I told dad Saturday ER Doctor put child on different antibiotics due to possible MRSA and infection. Dad stayed out of town, never responded to me but was in communication with child. Child stayed with me Saturday/Sunday overnight.

I'd be going to court to modify the parenting plan since the dad doesn't seem to even want to use the parenting time he has. Also - yeah talk to your kid about don't leave town without asking first but he's 16 - teenagers do stupid stuff. Let's all be realistic. I'd be more upset at dad leaving the kid alone to go with gf than anything. If he did mix up his weekends, he could have worked with you to switch them. Like - kid stayed with you that weekend and he had him the next. Not just "oh well I had this commitment so I'll just leave my kid home alone despite it being my weekend." That's my opinion - I don't get parents who don't want to use their parenting time when they only see their kids every other weekend.

 

[Pooky]

I'd be going to court to modify the parenting plan since the dad doesn't seem to even want to use the parenting time he has. Also - yeah talk to your kid about don't leave town without asking first but he's 16 - teenagers do stupid stuff. Let's all be realistic. I'd be more upset at dad leaving the kid alone to go with gf than anything. If he did mix up his weekends, he could have worked with you to switch them. Like - kid stayed with you that weekend and he had him the next. Not just "oh well I had this commitment so I'll just leave my kid home alone despite it being my weekend." That's my opinion - I don't get parents who don't want to use their parenting time when they only see their kids every other weekend.

Thank you. Thank you to everyone.